News & Insights 19 June 2008

Everybody. Hates. Keyboard players.

So, Turnkey – London’s biggest music store and most evil all-powerful industry dominator (kinda like the IKEA of music shops) – is shutting down. It’s gone into receivership. Which means they’re selling all their gear off at ludicrously low prices. And the capital’s enormous army of musicians are flocking to Tottenham Court Road to snatch their piece of sweet Turnkey pie before the magical gate of opportunity slams shut forever.

George and John spent quite some time this morning trying to persuade me to pop into town with them and bathe in the juicy fountain of sopping wet bargains Turnkey has to offer before it finally closes tonight.

“Come on mate… it’ll be madness! They’re selling everything at HALF TRADE price! Guitars, drums, pianos – everything!”

They said.

“Think of the bargains you could pick up. I mean, you may own seven keyboards already but there’s always room for more. They might even have a rare keytar going cheap for your museum!”

They said. 

But here’s the thing. Everybody. Hates. Keyboard players. I know this. I’ve accepted it. Which makes it all the more surprising that, at 1pm this afternoon, I found myself standing forlorn inside the ravaged husk of a warehouse that was once the buzzing hub of the Turnkey empire almost ready to weep at the horrific paucity of keyboards and keyboard-related paraphernalia on offer.

Sorry. I exaggerate. There was NOTHING THERE at all. George tried to placate me by pointing out how great it would be if we bought this knock-off 16-track Behringer multi-digital desk thing, although he should know me well enough to understand that I’m unlikely to find much solace in one of those. John, meanwhile, who had picked up a £2500 bass guitar for less than 800 quid, was struggling magnanimously to cover his sheer joy at the shrewd purchase he’d made. 3 hours out of my day – and nothing to show for it.

Like I say, I’ve accepted that I’m at the bottom of the musical food chain. It was just a bit heinous to have it shoved so vaingloriously down my throat.

I will have my revenge.

Chris Lightyear

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