union square

Guest Blog: How many Lightyears does it take to change a lightbulb?

During the band’s recent American Tour, New Yorker Ashley Stubblefield boldly stepped up to the task of tour-managing the boys through their many adventures. To help exorcise her trauma, she wrote a blog about her experiences…

How many Lightyears does it take to change a lightbulb?
by Ashley Stubblefield

To kick things off, let me just say that I spent several hours cleaning my flat last Sunday. Dusting, sweeping, doing dishes and picking up the piles of laundry from my floor. I seeeeeeeriously shouldn’t have bothered with that, as The Destructo-years probably didn’t even notice what a lovely clean home I let them crash in. It was an honor and a privilege (as well as a bit of a trying task) to host three of the UK’s most charming as they made their way Stateside to divide and conquer. Chaos and hilarity ensued… 

At the airport, I met the (surprisingly awake) band and we hopped in a cab to dash off and play in front of thousands at Union Square. My enquiries into the comfort of their flight were met with excited shouts of “Quail’s eggs!”, “Champagne!” and “Business Class has beds!”, all of which are hugely exciting but difficult to decipher when three people are repeatedly yelling only those phrases at you at an extreme volume. So, to calm them down, I started giving them some of the things I had brought for them to use that week.

“Ok, first off, the extra set of keys to my place – who’s the most responsible member of the band?”

Everyone points to Chris, who shrugs. I hand him the keys and a cell phone. “And here’s the phone you’ll be able to use – ”

“There’s a phone?” Chris and George look on in astonishment, whilst Tony, oblivious, is talking to the driver in the front.

“Of course! I have the number written down somewhere… let me just get out my folder for you guys – ”

“You have a folder?!?” Chris is all amazement, and George pulls out the video camera and begins to record the folder. And record me opening the folder. And record me looking at the maps I printed for them.

“And there are MAPS?” Chris, evidently, is not strong on organizing. Or paperwork. If he even keeps paperwork…

The cab however, dropped us in good time at Union Square, where they played a fab show and made billions of new fans who all wanted them to sign a copy of their new EP. You know, the one with the black CD and the black cover? I ran to the store and bought them lovely expensive silver markers to use, asking them not to lose the markers so that they could sign stuff all week. Note to self: Never hand a marker, phone, set of keys, child, elephant etc to a member of The Lightyears if you don’t want it very, very lost within an hour. I wish I were kidding. I am not.

And after the show it’s the after-party (which they refused to call anything other than the “after bobby”. I still have no idea what that means). There was a sweet acoustic set until Tony gave up drumming in favor of beer and George abandoned the guitar to talk to a model. It was a musical crowd though, and two of our cohorts jumped in on the guitar and drums. They stumped Chris with a Weezer song (“El Scorcho”) and my favorite person ever who is named Neil (aka Spitf*ya) did some aaamazing beatboxing. It was a great night and, when the jetlag finally kicked in, we headed back to my flat to crash on various couches and chairs and beds. And by that I mean my one couch, my one chair and my one bed. True New Yorkers (or so I told the boys) do not need space! We successfully slept five there that night, including our friend Alexis who’d been dragged along for the ride. I’m fairly sure every spare inch was covered by a sleeping person or a musical instrument, and Chris spent most of that first night snuggling with his keyboard.

The next day they were up bright and early and ready to explore the city. This is when I discovered that, for The Lightyears, having a good sense of direction is not a membership requirement. As we walked, the guys would inevitably just wonder in a random direction, despite the fact that they had no idea where they were going. It was like herding cats trying to get them even to the diner just a few blocks over. And whenever we got off the subway I’d have to turn around and do a quick head-count to make sure that one of them hadn’t gotten distracted by something shiny and forgotten to get off the train. In Midtown, whilst eyeing all the glitz and glamor, Tony would ask if it was time to go shopping while George would eye the closest restaurant, asking if anyone else was hungry again. It was the overpowering silence after that question that made me realize that we’d lost Chris. Most often we’d find him about half a block down, either distracted by his own hair reflecting in a shop window or reciting full scenes from Wayne’s World (in what was actually a pretty good mid-american accent) to a stranger or traffic cop. I’d gather them all together, point them in the right direction again and hope that Chris wouldn’t come across any ardent Wayne’s World fans before we reached our destination. 

Mid-week, the three misguided ducklings and Alexis and I piled into a van to drive down to Philadelphia for the band’s show at the Milkboy. As we finished loading up in NY, Chris and George came swaggering down the block in outfits that looked strangely familiar. 

Me:  “Chris, are you wearing my scarf?”

Chris, with a hairflip and a I-wish-were-as-cool-as-James-Dean glance at me: “Yeah… is that ok?”

Me: “Well, I… George, is that my jacket? …And my hat?”

George, giving me his I’m-too-adorable-to-be-in-trouble puppy-dog eyes: “We raided your closet a little, hope you don’t mind.” 

Me: “Of course I don’t… Wait! Are you wearing my mascara?”

Chris, very serious: “Actually, Ashley, I think the proper term is MANscara.”

George, pointing at me as though imparting wisdom: “Or guy-liner.”

Right.  

Once Tony had returned from the local Taco Bell with several gallons of Dr. Pepper we hopped in the van – Alexis driving, Tony navigating. After five or ten minutes in traffic, Tony leans out the window and yells: “Are you having a giraffe, mate?” at a passing driver. As the lone Americans in the group, Alexis and I would often stick together, purposefully ignoring the boys’ random slang and inside jokes. This one, however, we could not let go. Alexis plucked up the courage to ask first: “Did you just ask that guy if he’s having a giraffe?”. On cue, all three Lightyears launched into a half-hour explanation of Cockney Rhyming Slang. From what I now understand, it’s something to do with baths and disbelief and not being allowed to pronounce the “T” in mate. 

However, the miscommunication worked both ways and later Tony stopped Alexis and I mid-conversation to enquire after the meaning of “Dude, I was, like, totally pissed at her ‘cos she was being such a jackass to the bartender, but then I bailed on the convo and was like, whatev”. Roughly translated, this means “Yes, person of either gender who I am currently addressing, I was angry with her because she was behaving unkindly to the bar staff, but then I stopped speaking to her and thought to myself that it didn’t really matter”. I’m not even sure I want to know what that translates to in Brit-speak.

In the end, staying in my tiny apartment was a blast – though, as the boys were intent on underlining, it was nothing like the posh suites they stayed in in South Korea, in as much as it is quite lacking a bar, roof-top balcony and a jacuzzi. Oh, and as for the lightbulb question? It wasn’t rhetorical. It must take more than three Lightyears to change a lightbulb because none of them could actually do it. When they asked if there was anything they could do to make up for staying, I told them the one and only thing that needed to be done was fixing the light in the kitchen (I’m too short to reach and it’s been out for ages). Chris tried but couldn’t get the cover off the fixture. George faffed about for a bit and said he’d have a go later and then Tony grappled with it, also unsuccessfully, until eventually tiring of the task and settling down to read the paper. 

“It’s ok,” I told them, more amused than disappointed, “I’ll ask my super to do it.” 

Tony: “Right-o. Sorry about that old bean. Anything else we can fix? You know, so you can make the most of having three burly men around the house?”

Chris: “We could move some heavy furniture for you! Want to see my sweet guns? Go ahead, ask me which way to The Gun Show.” 

I refused. “Right,” he replied. “Then can I borrow your hairdryer?” 

At that moment, George stuck his head out of the bathroom, “Erm, Ashley? Is the handle of your faucet supposed to be broken off like this?”

Are you having a giraffe, mate?

In The Lightyears, we like to eat.

Part Two of my American Tour Blog…

SUNDAY 14 SEPTEMBER, 3.30pm (Union Square, New York, USA):
Let me bring you up-to-speed.

Less than twenty hours ago we were playing a gig in Southampton, England.

Now we are standing onstage in the sweltering Manhattan heat performing to a crowd of thousands at Union Square in New York, USA. I am sweating like a TROOPER. I may never have been this hot.

My internal clock has given up the ghost and checked out. It simply has no idea what time it’s supposed to be. I resolve to give the gig everything I’ve got and to hell with the consequences. Heck, if this really is the city that never sleeps then I guess I won’t have to worry. Just push through the burn.

As we sing the closing note to Gimme Some and segue into the opening chords of She’s The One, I look out across the square and spot some fans from England in the crowd. Across the other side of the plaza I can see our Philadelphia faithful gathering near the stage. They are out in force and have even brought a rather splendid Lightyears banner with them.

Somehow, we’ve made it. Against all the odds, we are here in one piece, with all our instruments (most of which work), beaming at each other across the stage and knocking out a spirited rendition of Beat Alive. This is surreal. When the song finishes I tell the crowd that, when I say we’re happy to be here, I really mean it.

Today’s show also represents the launch of our new EP, At Midnight, and so we play the rest of the songs from the record in the set – This House Will Burn, Brightest Star and Run. After we finish, a big crowd of newly-converted fans converge on the stage to buy CDs and we’re kept busy signing autographs for nearly 45 minutes. I apologise profusely for my sweaty demeanour, for I am soggy like a flannel. I personally don’t consider this to be especially attractive although that doesn’t stop me having my picture taken (along with the rest of the LYs) with a Sports Illustrated model called Melissa. This sort of thing only happens in New York.

Presently we’re escorted off to The Revival Bar, round the corner from Union Square, where the after-party is in full-swing. We’ve barely stepped through the door before we’re introduced to a English chap named Neil Thomas, who we’re playing a gig with in Brooklyn on Thursday. Two minutes of chatting leads to the discovery that Neil specialises in beat-boxing and that, by sheer coincidence, we saw him perform onstage with Shlomo & The Vocal Orchestra at Glastonbury Festival back in June (and here’s the proof – check out #33 in George’s Glastonbury Top 50). So there you are. Plus he lives about half an hour away from us in London. Check him out at Neil Thomas’ Myspace Page.

Tony orders a Manhattan cocktail, for no other reason than a stubborn desire to sample all locally-named delicacies wherever we tour, and declares it to be quite disgusting. Truth is, Tony’s allegiances in America lie firmly with Dr Pepper and you’d have a fight on your hands persuading him that anything else is worth drinking Stateside.

The night descends into a montage of singing, drinking and debating and we end up back at Ashley’s apartment at around 2am, leaning out of the window watching the Manhattan traffic zoom by. Bizarrely, I don’t feel tired. I think my brain has forgotten how to. Best get some sleep though. We’ve got a whole week ahead of us…

MONDAY 15 SEPTEMBER, 10.30am (Upper East Side, Manhattan, New York):
Monday brings an equally stunning New York morning into our lives. Groggy and jet-lagged, we drag our sorry asses out of bed and stumble blinking out onto the street. 

It’s time for breakfast.

With all that gigging nonsense out the way, we can get down to focussing on what this tour is really about – eating. It’s no secret that, in The Lightyears, we like to eat. Even Tony, who’s a vegetarian and therefore not technically a human being, can Eat for England. ‘Course, being eligible to Eat For England doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for American food. I mean, I can over-indulge with the best of them but we’re in the States now. The goalposts have most definitely shifted.

Ashley takes us to her local diner, “3-Decker”, and we order pancakes, maple syrup, scrambled eggs, a veggie burger (for Tony), two omelettes, a beef and pastrami wrap, coffees, Pepsi and two sides of fries. Disgracefully, I make it but halfway through my “All-American Wrap”, so-called because it has ALL THE MEAT IN AMERICA inside it. Or at least that’s the only plausible explanation I can find. I am surprised at myself but refuse to feel ashamed. It was like trying to eat a baby’s head! Just, you know, a really delicious baby’s head with crunchy salad and a gherkin.

Somehow, barely four hours later, we find ourselves uptown in the Brooklyn Diner, settling down to another massive feast. The Brooklyn Diner famously serves the best burgers in New York, a claim that George heartily substantiates. I won’t go into the gory details but I mention this because, when we stepped into the doorway of the restaurant, we bumped into an old friend of ours from London. Apparently this happens all the time in Manhattan. I guess on an island, there are only so many places to go…

TUESDAY 16 SEPTEMBER, 9.30pm (Pianos, Lower East Side, Manhattan, New York):
The second gig of the tour is at Pianos, a venue we played for the first time last summer. The night is called “Cross-Pollination”, a format which can perhaps best be described as the musical equivalent of swinging – you play, then the other guys play, and at the end you all get onstage and play together. If you see what I mean. Chaos inevitably ensues due to the fact that there’s rarely an opportunity to rehearse beforehand (since in most cases the two acts have never met). In this instance we are at least fortunate that we know the other guys on the bill – Seth Kallen & The Reaction, a band with whom we have shared stages on both sides of the Atlantic.

The set-up lends itself to acoustic performances but the crowd tonight are relatively raucous so, having kicked off with Fine (our staple acoustic opener), we head straight into a slew of more upbeat pop numbers such as Sleepless, This House Will Burn and Beat Alive. The crowd is a combination of familiar faces from last year and the Union Square gig on Sunday along with fans of Seth’s, some unknowns and a contingent of Cross-Poll regulars. It’s a good mix of people. We end on Brightest Star and Emily to appreciative applause and ready ourselves for the unpredictable act of musical pollination about to take place on the Pianos stage.

In the 45 seconds that we have in which to decide what to do, we elect to treat the audience to a Britpop double-bill – Parklife followed by Don’t Look Back In Anger. Both inspire mass singalongs and a general appreciation for all things British. Which works out rather well for us.

It’s a unique event and definitely worth a look if you ever find yourself in the area – check it out online at the Cross-Pollination website.

Much of what happened afterwards remains something of a blur – mainly thanks to several misguided rounds of black sambuca – but I do remember fragments of a conversation I attempted to conduct with an enormous beefcake of a doorman outside a nightclub at around 2am:

DOORMAN: “Can I see your ID? It’s over-21s only.”
CHRIS LY: [just a little slurred] “Ah, stout fellow… fear not. For I am a grown man – I am no whippersnapper.”
DOORMAN: “I need to see your ID.”
CHRIS LY: “D’you know, good sir, I don’t believe I have it with me. I’m British you know. I’ll just pass on through shall I?”
DOORMAN: “No ID, no entry.”
CHRIS LY: “Would you accept this shiny sixpence as a bribe?”

How I don’t get beaten up more often is truly beyond me.

Chris Lightyear

Blog and pictures now online from American Tour

Last week The Lightyears returned from a week-long tour in the USA. To find out more about what the boys got up to on the East Coast, visit the BLOG page for the first instalment of Chris Lightyear’s USA Tour Diary. An album of photos has also been published in the LYs Gallery.  

The band were based in New York where they performed at the Time Out “Back To School Blowout” in Union Square, at Pianos on the Lower East Side and at the McKibbin Lofts in Brooklyn. The band also made a trip out to Philadelphia mid-way through to headline at Milkboy Coffee in Ardmore, Pennsylvania. 

Keep your eyes peeled for more USA content on its way soon, including an LY-TV “New York Special” and a guest blog charting the band’s adventures from an American’s perspective.

Plans are already afoot to return to the United States within the next few months. Watch this space for updates!

Union Square Park – New York – 14/09/08

FREE SHOW! The Lightyears will be appearing alongside four of America’s hottest new signed bands in front of 4,000 people at Time Out’s annual “Back To School Blowout”. Line-up includes El Jezel, Plush Gun and The Bridges. LYs onstage at 3.30.

After the show, from 4pm, The Lightyears will be signing copies of their new EP ‘At Midnight’ in Virgin Megastore on Union Square. Then from 5pm you can catch up with the band at the official after-party at Revival, which is two blocks east of Union Sq on 15th St (here’s a map).

LYs track “Single Of The Day” at Amie Street

One day after being uploaded to the site, Lightyears track Phoenix has been named “Single Of The Day” on online download store Amie Street.

All five tracks from new Lightyears EP At Midnight have been made available for download from Amie Street ahead of the record’s physical release this Sunday 14 September at the Time Out “Back To School Blowout” Festival in Union Square, New York. The physical release for UK fans follows a week later on Monday 22nd.

Amie Street, a social networking site as well as a music download outlet, has been making waves since its launch in 2006 due to it unique system of pricing tracks. The site uses an algorithm to determine song prices – the cost of a track starts at zero when a song is uploaded onto the site and rises according to increased demand (with the price being capped at 98 cents). 

Users can open accounts and purchase credit in order to download songs; alternatively, users can earn credit by recommending songs they like to other listeners. The site also has its own Facebook Application called “Fantasy Records”, which allows fans to create their own “record label” from songs in their Amie Street account.  

Visit The Lightyears on Amie Street to find out more.

New Lightyears EP – out next week

At Midnight, the new 5-track EP from The Lightyears, will be released this Sunday 14 September in the USA. UK release will follow a week later.

The first opportunity for fans in the States to get their hands on At Midnight will be at the Time Out “Back To School Blowout” open-air festival in Union Square, New York, this Sunday. Following The Lightyears’ performance on the main stage at 3.30pm, At Midnight will be on sale in Virgin Megastore where the band will also be signing copies on request.

In addition, all five tracks are available online at new social networking site and music download store Amie Street. At Amie Street, the price for newly-uploaded tracks begins at zero and rises according to increasing demand (with the ultimate price being capped at 98 cents). Check out The Lightyears on Amie Street.

The EP will be released in the UK on Monday 22 September. The record features familiar tracks She’s The One and This House Will Burn along with instrumental Phoenix and new songs Brightest Star and Run. 

Tickets on sale for Pennsylvania show

Tickets have just gone on sale for The Lightyears’ headline show at Milkboy Coffee in Ardmore, Pennsylvania, on Wednesday 17 September.

The band’s previous gigs at Milkboy have all sold out so you’d be advised to get your tickets early – visit the Milkboy website to grab yours whilst they’re hot…

And, just because we’re feeling charitable, the LYs’ shows in New York this September are all totally free to attend. The Time Out Back To School Blowout, presented in association with Virgin, is a four-hour event in Union Square with bands a-plenty and all kinds of wacky shenanigans going on, including live comedy from the Gotham Comedy Club. If you’re a student you can also take advantage of a bucket-load of free giveaways from participating vendors. Check the Back To School Blowout website for more info.

You can also catch the band for free at Pianos, Lower East Side, on Tuesday 16 September. The LYs will be forming one half of the venue’s legendary Cross-Pollination night, where two acts (who have, in many cases, never met) collaborate in a one-off jamming session. Joining the boys on the night will be California’s Chris & Thomas.

This autumn’s tour represents the band’s third visit to the United States. Read up on The Lightyears’ 2006/07 American adventures in Chris Lightyear’s International Tour Blog.

LYs to play Time Out Festival in New York

The Lightyears have just been booked to play in front of 4,000 people at the 2008 Time Out Back To School Blowout in Union Square Park, New York, on Sunday 14 September.

The Blowout is held as a welcoming party for the Big Apple’s massive student population as they return to the city for the beginning of the academic year. Presented with Virgin Megastore, New York University and the Union Square Partnership, the event will be held in the Square’s south plaza and, along with The Lightyears, will feature four of America’s hottest new signed bands.

This will be the band’s third trip to the States in the last two years. Since November 2006, the LYs have built up a loyal following in the Philadelphia area, appearing on national radio station WXPN and playing sell-out shows in various venues in Pennsylvania.

For tales of high jinx in the USA, see Chris Lightyear’s 2006 and 2007 US Tour Blogs…

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